Ballingham - Party of 10

Being part of a family is the most important thing in my life.  Always has been.  First to be a good wife, then to be a good mother.  I am happy in my roles.  I am happier today than I have ever been.  But I am tired.  I was going about my day today wondering why?  Why am I so tired. 

I was at the Texaco today (my most frequented retail location these days, remember - Garden City, Utah, population 878) getting a diet coke before I drove 30 minutes north into Idaho to get 5 kids, age 4 and under from preschool.  I drove up, parked right in front of the door (didn't want to get my two-year-old out and it was 4 degrees outside) and I rushed in and out.  

I ran into my cute neighbor who said, "I was thinking you might need a diet coke and I was going to grab you one."  Well, I need a diet coke all the time.  True story.  When I met my husband earlier this year I had quit the beverage of choice. Now, I need it and I love it.  I laughed at her and I am sure I looked lovely, at this point I was at home all morning organizing, laundering, cleaning and such.  As she turned she said, "You know what I love about you?  You are real and honest."  

I thought about that, what is real and honest?  The fact that I had no make up on? Big warm boots and not pretty ones? My diet coke? Then I looked in rear view mirror, oh the fact that my hair has static and is going everywhere because it is going to snow? 

I think as mothers we appreciate real and honest because as women and mothers, we naturally compete.  I know because I feel it.  I know my friends feel it.  This crazy measuring-up pressure there is on mothers.  This unwritten rule of what perfect motherhood should look like.  What it should be like.

Does it make you tired like it makes me?

There is not a manual for being the perfect mom, have the perfect children and the perfect house.  Yet I feel this unspoken measuring bar.  I know I have personally set the bar so high it is unattainable and I will never reach the top.  And I still feel like I don't measure up because I can't.

As I drove I thought about this.  What we as mothers, sisters, family and friends need is to remember one thing, this:

We don't have to compete.

We need to embrace each other, help each other, laugh with each other and bring each other a lot of diet coke.

When we compete we don't enjoy the people sitting in the room with us, other moms, our children, our family.

In the midst of our life we work hard among other families that all look different than our own, because they are.  We need to extend a hand to one another and accept help from one another.  We need to be real where we are and work together to be better.  We need to not judge one another and try to be one-up each other.

Every family is different.  I am slowly finishing my Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling.  I want to help families and couples.  Yesterday we had to give a presentation about ourselves.  It wasn't easy.  I am not comfortable talking about me in front of a group of people.  It is personal. The assignment was: Who am I and how I have grown since I started my journey getting my degree.  

I measured my growth by my family.  My family has changed constantly through the years, all families do.  When I began my degree I had a family of five, which quickly went to three.  My children's father left and I put my second son in a group home because his needs were too severe for a family.  It was the three of us for five years.  Then I met the man of my dreams, an amazing father and his five children.  Now my family is ten and nine live in the home.  I have constantly been a mother, but my responsibilities and needs changed drastically with every change.

I can't compete.  

I will lose.

But I love my family.  I love being a mom. 

So I will continue to do what I know.  

I know family.  
I love my husband.  
I will pray for my children. 
I will love them every day.  
I will make dinner every night for my crew.  (every night feels like Sunday dinner)
I will drive my bus, er, Suburban that seats 11 to every soccer game, dance, school, church activity and even Texaco. (Did I mention I was pulled over 2 times in six days for speeding... don't tell my husband... but no tickets.  One police man told me he didn't give it to me because I was the nicest person he had ever pulled over.  I giggled, tell my kids that.)
I will love all the neighbor kids.
I will laugh at the hilarious things that happen every day.
I will try not to compete. 

I hope you will to.

Our Family Follows the Prophet

General Conference Fall 2013

Twice a year we have General Conference.  Apostles, General Authorities and other Church Leaders speak to us.  It is amazing.  Really.  I look forward to it and read the messages over and over again.  However, when you have children ranging in age from 2 - 15, getting them excited to sit for two hours at a time to listen to "old people" speak can be challenging.  Very.

Each night before we have family prayer we repeat the same thing, basically our family motto:
Our Family Sticks Together
Our Family Follows the Prophet
Our Family is Hard Workers
Our Family is Honest
Our Family is Kind

I love that we do this and repeat it together.  Often as challenges arise in our children's lives and our own we can easily refer to this and it falls under one of these things we believe.  The answers are easier to explain and we remind ourselves who and what we are.

So... if we follow the prophet, then we listen to General Conference.  I challenged our family to pray about something we need an answer to and try to listen for the answer during conference.  I posted Elder Uchtdorfs quote on preparing for conference a few places in our home to remind us.  We talked about conference in Family Home Evening and really tried to prepare the children and ourselves to learn and listen.  It was interesting as the kids and us as parents recognized our questions being answered during the messages being given.

I made a basket that the children could see but not touch until Conference began (torture much?).  It had activities, treats (of course) and envelopes (with activities) we opened along the way.  We started with the sign:  Our Family Loves Conference and each person had a piece of paper with BECAUSE...  I loved the responses.  We posted them by the TV so we could remember we love this.  Right?  Right?  

The best activity was Conference Bingo.  The kids each made their own and cut out pictures of apostles, key words and gospel terms.  When they got a bingo... Voila... a treat.  Dad spoiled them, for each and every bingo they got a treat, by Sunday afternoon the sugar intake was definitely high and they were getting restless and hyper.

Each child also had a quote or printable they could pick and put on the wall.  I loved how each one fit their personality.  

It was a great time to be together, to relax, have yummy breakfast and dinners.  The boys went to Priesthood session together and home for milk shakes after.  I love my family.  I love conference.  It was as great as it always is.  It gave me the boost I need to carry on.

SAHM

I often hear the term SAHM - Stay At Home Mom.  Often when you hear it people roll their eyes like it is a luxury or super easy.  Seriously?  

I personally love being a mom.  It is the greatest and hardest thing I have ever done.  But I love it.  Over five years ago I was at home and realized I wasn't going to be able to be the mom I wanted to.  I had to go to work and quick.  I took many jobs, many not-glamorous jobs but I would do anything for my family because that is what a Mom does.  Anything for her family.

When I started telling people I was getting married their first question was, "Do you get to stay home?"  Well yes and no.  I will be at home, but I am constantly on the go.  We have eight kids!  I can honestly tell you that going to work is in some ways easier.  I get to have a lunch.  I can run a couple errands in silence.  While at work I could get some things done on my break on the computer.  There were not sticky letters on my keyboard AND all the letters were on the keyboard (not picked off by little fingers). 

Am I a SAHM?  I am going to answer no.  I love being home, but I am not there enough.  I often refer to it as my four walls.  When I am home I am happy and I work so very hard.  When I leave and especially my children I worry, I am a mom, it is what we do, we worry and we love.  I still have my vinyl lettering business that I work hard at, I am continuing my schooling for my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, I am teaching children to read, work and be responsible, I help my husband with all sorts of interesting projects and I solve all the worlds problems on a daily basis with chaos all around me.  (Latest project... installing a four row of seats in the Suburban, yes we can seat all ten now with seat belts)

I had a lot of people give me interesting looks and questions when they found out I was getting married again.  You are going to have how many kids?  What about work?  Are you sure you want to give everything up?  He (my husband) is going to support you all?  

Well, here is what I know.  I have eight kids and I wouldn't trade it for anything, at moments I might, but overall, never.  What a privilege to learn and grow and help them develop and learn and grow.   I was at Costco yesterday and an older man came up to us as we were having pizza together.  He said, "I count seven kids, that is a lot!  Is that all of them?"  We replied, "No, there is one more."  He almost had a twinkle in his eye and smiled.  He had eight kids and missed them all dearly.  He commented how much he missed the years we were in and advised us not to wish them away.  "Poof!  One day they are all gone," he said.  Have you ever heard someone say, "I wish we hadn't had all the kids we do."

Work?  What about it?  I am just a number when I go to work, I am replaceable.  I have had many jobs and I tried hard at all of them.  They were challenging in different ways and rewarding as well, both intellectually and financially.  But when my daughter was in a horrible accident you realize how quickly work doesn't matter.  You are replaceable in days.  But never at home.  A job is a means to an end, motherhood and family is forever.  No success can compensate for failure in the home.  I haven't given anything up, I have only been more blessed.  

My husband?  Yes, he supports us all and we all support him.  It goes both ways.  We are a team.  

Stay At Home Mom... toughest job ever. 

Seriously?

I have been thinking about starting a new blog for awhile now.  I love blogs.  I read them all the time.  People are the most fascinating thing about life.  The things others endure and endure well are heart warming, sad, inspiring and make us grateful for all that we have.

I often say "Seriously?" to many different situations.  I have the word on my washer and dryer in vinyl really big because, seriously, more?   Everyone who sees it laughs, because we all understand.  

Seriously just this week...

Seriously?  You are the most beautiful four-year-old and cut your hair in the very front, part of the top and some in the back and inch long and are carrying it around in a ziploc?

Seriously?  You chewed up your carrots and spit them in a cup that is under your bed?

Seriously?  We are crying over your knee pads in your football pants?  The ones you insisted on putting in that way?

Seriously?  You think at 15 it is ok to drive the car to Texaco to get a lollypop for your six-year-old brother because he asked you to? 

Seriously?  You stayed up all night playing video games and I can't wake you up in the morning for church?

Seriously?  You insist almost to a level three tantrum to spray my perfume on you then lick the carpet because it is so horrible?

Seriously?  You don't like the shoes you told me you HAVE to have because you had no other shoes (only six pairs in the closet) but when we were going to the DI you put those and all your shoes in the box so I would have to buy you new ones?

Seriously?  Instead of putting away your laundry you put all the new clean ones back in the laundry pile? 

Seriously?  All the towels are in a big wet heap in your basement bedroom and you are complaining there are insects in your room. 

Seriously?  

I am beginning a whole new exciting life.  It is so exciting and amazing.  My life has not been easy the last few years, hence I use the word seriously often.  Seven weeks ago I married DJ, the perfect match for me.  I have always believed that God intends for us to be married and happy, we are not designed to be alone.  I have been single for five years (wow), raising my children, adjusting to the constant changes, going to school, working and exhausted.  But I have loved it all.  I often thought how I wish I was married again and life would be so much easier with a husband, and honestly most of life is easier with a husband, and especially my best friend.  But there is always the opposites in life.  I now have eight amazing children and a pile of laundry that is never ending.  But I have eight wonderful reasons to smile and especially laugh.  

I hope as I share this blog that others can relate and laugh with all the "Seriouslys" of my day.  My life has given me perspective in ways I never imagined.  I think those perspectives make it possible for me to laugh and enjoy life.  If anything, it will be memoir of sorts that I can refer to and remind myself of all that I have learned.  I reread my old blog recently and it gave me more perspective on life.  It is amazing how fast life changes and with a loving Heavenly Father things do get better. 

Two steps forward.  One step back.

I seriously hope your journey is a good one today.