Ballingham - Party of 10

Being part of a family is the most important thing in my life.  Always has been.  First to be a good wife, then to be a good mother.  I am happy in my roles.  I am happier today than I have ever been.  But I am tired.  I was going about my day today wondering why?  Why am I so tired. 

I was at the Texaco today (my most frequented retail location these days, remember - Garden City, Utah, population 878) getting a diet coke before I drove 30 minutes north into Idaho to get 5 kids, age 4 and under from preschool.  I drove up, parked right in front of the door (didn't want to get my two-year-old out and it was 4 degrees outside) and I rushed in and out.  

I ran into my cute neighbor who said, "I was thinking you might need a diet coke and I was going to grab you one."  Well, I need a diet coke all the time.  True story.  When I met my husband earlier this year I had quit the beverage of choice. Now, I need it and I love it.  I laughed at her and I am sure I looked lovely, at this point I was at home all morning organizing, laundering, cleaning and such.  As she turned she said, "You know what I love about you?  You are real and honest."  

I thought about that, what is real and honest?  The fact that I had no make up on? Big warm boots and not pretty ones? My diet coke? Then I looked in rear view mirror, oh the fact that my hair has static and is going everywhere because it is going to snow? 

I think as mothers we appreciate real and honest because as women and mothers, we naturally compete.  I know because I feel it.  I know my friends feel it.  This crazy measuring-up pressure there is on mothers.  This unwritten rule of what perfect motherhood should look like.  What it should be like.

Does it make you tired like it makes me?

There is not a manual for being the perfect mom, have the perfect children and the perfect house.  Yet I feel this unspoken measuring bar.  I know I have personally set the bar so high it is unattainable and I will never reach the top.  And I still feel like I don't measure up because I can't.

As I drove I thought about this.  What we as mothers, sisters, family and friends need is to remember one thing, this:

We don't have to compete.

We need to embrace each other, help each other, laugh with each other and bring each other a lot of diet coke.

When we compete we don't enjoy the people sitting in the room with us, other moms, our children, our family.

In the midst of our life we work hard among other families that all look different than our own, because they are.  We need to extend a hand to one another and accept help from one another.  We need to be real where we are and work together to be better.  We need to not judge one another and try to be one-up each other.

Every family is different.  I am slowly finishing my Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling.  I want to help families and couples.  Yesterday we had to give a presentation about ourselves.  It wasn't easy.  I am not comfortable talking about me in front of a group of people.  It is personal. The assignment was: Who am I and how I have grown since I started my journey getting my degree.  

I measured my growth by my family.  My family has changed constantly through the years, all families do.  When I began my degree I had a family of five, which quickly went to three.  My children's father left and I put my second son in a group home because his needs were too severe for a family.  It was the three of us for five years.  Then I met the man of my dreams, an amazing father and his five children.  Now my family is ten and nine live in the home.  I have constantly been a mother, but my responsibilities and needs changed drastically with every change.

I can't compete.  

I will lose.

But I love my family.  I love being a mom. 

So I will continue to do what I know.  

I know family.  
I love my husband.  
I will pray for my children. 
I will love them every day.  
I will make dinner every night for my crew.  (every night feels like Sunday dinner)
I will drive my bus, er, Suburban that seats 11 to every soccer game, dance, school, church activity and even Texaco. (Did I mention I was pulled over 2 times in six days for speeding... don't tell my husband... but no tickets.  One police man told me he didn't give it to me because I was the nicest person he had ever pulled over.  I giggled, tell my kids that.)
I will love all the neighbor kids.
I will laugh at the hilarious things that happen every day.
I will try not to compete. 

I hope you will to.